I don’t know if I can even say this because I hurt so bad. If I am feeling pain I can’t be deaf right? I feel dead inside. I don’t recognize myself in the mirror even. It’s the strangest thing. I don’t know who is staring at me. She is so sad and broken, I watched a video of myself and it made me cry. You can actually see the pain in my face in my eyes. What happened to the outgoing crazy girl that loved to have fun and loved life? This is so odd, I want to find a place that I can feel comfortable again. Gene was my home no matter where we were I was safe and felt home. I feel empty and alone and just not safe. I want to find myself and have some kind of happiness I know Gene would want that for me, I honestly don’t see it happening. I try to go on I try to put one foot in front of another but how long can I do this. I don’t even want to anymore. I honestly don’t even think I care what happens to me.