Screw widowhood

This was not a club I wanted to join. It is utter bullshit, I feel like hell, and I am so fucking lonely. I heart breaks every morning when I wake up and realize this is really real. The pain is so unbearable. I am going to counseling and it is pretty much a joke, nothing helps. I am trying to just will my body to say screw it and shut down. I meet my soul mate and marry him and he dies. Life is really cruel and I just don’t want to do this shit without him. Today he has been gone 4 weeks, or 28 days either way you add it up I can’t stand going on without him. My life was so full so complete and I had dreams and a future and now it is nothing but empty. I am broken and feel empty but I have to go on, what the fuck does that even mean? He took a huge part of me when he died, yet my heart still beats. Am I mad at God yeah a little because I should have went with Gene. It’s not fair that I finally found true happiness and then cancer slowly took away the best part of me. Fuck cancer

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